My first reaction, when I hear the phrase "Girlfriend Getaway" is a bunch of girls sitting around a table drinking soymilk lattes, comparing lip gloss and high heels.

I imagine lots of unnaturally colored drinks with names that end in "tini", table-top dancing, bridge and tunnel suitors circling like hyenas trying to pick off the weak and crippled of the herd, and of course, baby-doll pajamas. Not necessarily in that order.

This is what I think of (for me) when I hear "Girlfriend Getaways":

When I first heard about "Girlfriend Getaways," I thought:  "Honey, your hot friend Samantha isn't going too, is she?  Because if she's around and you aren't…"

I got out of that relationship roughly three seconds later, out of consciousness four seconds later, and out of the body cast two months after that.

When I next got the chance to think about Girlfriend Getaways, after months of learning to love – and walk – again, I thought that it sounded like a great idea.  You know why?  Because most people aren't that interesting, and about six months into a relationship, you run out of stories to tell each other.  This way, she'll have new and exciting experiences to tell me about, and I'll have a weekend or more to indulge in the shamefully childish lifestyle of a single dude.  I can play video games all day, eat pizza for every meal, never shower, and she won't be around to love me any less for it.

 (Ed note:  Pistols is shy.  Or a communist.)

1) Flight gets in, nice lunch with a glass of wine
2) Girls head to the spa, mani/pedi, massage
3) Glass of wine at a sidewalk cafe, then doll up
4) Nice girls dinner, more wine
5) Cocktails, Dancing, Cocktails
6) Kerry and Gretchen accept bribe for venue tip
7) My friends and I arrive at venue
8) More dancing, more drinks
9) Pillow fights

(Ed note:  Ted really enjoys pretending he is this guy.  He wanted me to use it for the main photo.  I said 'no'.  The picture makes me want to boil my eyeballs.)

17 Quotes I’d Expect to Hear During a Girls’ Vacation

By Tom Hagy

1. Does my butt look big in these pants?  Hold on.  Who gives a crap! - Bridget
2. Hey, I bought a copy of Lifetime's 24-Hour Chick Flick Marathon! - Mandy
3. To conserve energy, I suggest we shower in pairs...or trios!  Just 'cause we're pretty , doesn't mean we can't be green! - Heather
4. It's hot in here.  Would anyone mind if I just wore socks? - Trish
5. It's cold in here.  Would anyone mind if I just wore socks? - Trish
6. Thank God someone thought to bring coasters. - Jennifer
7. Don't tell me we're out of Chardonnay!  Oh, here's another case! - Tiffany
8. I don't care what it is.  If it's pink and fizzy and gets me drunk, I will drink it.  Extra points for a naughty name. - Carrie
9. Wow, I don't think anyone has stared at my boobs for that past 24 hours.  I always wondered what that would be like. - Sharon
10. At last.  I don't have to pretend to be disgusted by porn. - Cynthia
11. I have always felt like we were sisters.- Shauna
12. Would you mind brushing my hair? - Diane
13. Would you rub sunscreen on my back?  Lower please.- Leah
14. I have never sunbathed nude before!  This isso free.  My God, I think I am crying. - Stephanie
15. Man, I really miss my husband, boyfriend and the kids, of course.  Well, that's not all a lie! - Alexis
16. That's funny.  I never thought strip poker was such a bonding exercise. - Brooke
17. Yes!  Let's have the drapes wide open while we try on each other's clothes and feed each other chilled kiwi slices! - Tina

Bonus Quote!  *My gosh.  This place is neater than when they got here.  But what a lame tip. - Silvia, Housekeeping Associate.

I just totally envision a lot of giggling, mimosas & manicures when you say 'girlfriend getaway'.

The first thing I think of is a nice luffa [sic] scrub, passion parties, wine tasting and aroma therapy-inspired popuri [sic] (I had to google how you spell popuri).

Jessica Biel has become more famous for her posterier and her relationship with Justin Timberlake, than for her actual acting work. THANKS, US Weekly! She has been in several of those futuristic explosion movies I don't watch, and she was also in "The Illusionist", with Edward Norton, which was very well done, and she is quite a good actress! Who would know that, US Weekly? With all your ridiculous coverage of her Justin Timberlake lovin?

She is also a very savvy airport dresser, as is evidenced from this photo.

Photo: Brett Thompsett, Kevin Perkins

This is one of my favorite travel ensembles, maybe minus the hat. Or plus a different hat. There's something too snowboarder-hip about a wool hat with a brim that is pushed a little to the side. But I digress. That is a fantastic trench, covering what looks to be like a very cute striped tunic in complimentary colors, and jeans that are the perfect length for flats. I normally run screaming from flat shoes, but I find myself strangely drawn to these patent wine numbers. I must have them. I must have them NOW!

I used to watch the show "Brothers & Sisters", and really enjoyed Dave Annable as the sexy, reckless youngest sibling in the Walker family.  But then they got into the character's drug addiction and made him look sickly, and all strung out, and it just messed with the fantasizing.

Doesn't this look better than a sickly pallor and sunken cheeks?

Photo:  boston.com

So now we arrive at the requisite shirtless, beefcake photo, and Dave is really more of an intellectual hunk than an actual beefcake.  I'm sure there is a more flattering shirtless look for him - I just couldn't locate it.

Photo: isolaforumer

I want him to stand up straighter.  The way he's slouching kind of makes his chest look like a little face, with his bellybutton poised to say something like "well helleeeeeew there".  Why don't we just post a photo of him wearing soaking wet clothing, with his adorable bulldog in the background.  How about that?

Photo: dailyeyecandy.com

Works for me!  SURF'S UP!

HAPPY FRIDAY & HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, FROM THE GOLIGHTLY GIRLS!